I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize