All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
