she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
