One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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