Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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