when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
