I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
