i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
