my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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