Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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