is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
