i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
