OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
