I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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