made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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