Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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