There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
