We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
