He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
