No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
