so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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