I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
