i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize