You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
