hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
