I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
