Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am one with the molecules
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
