I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
