1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
