Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
