Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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