I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
