Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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