I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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