I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
