you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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