Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
