Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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