he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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