I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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