So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
