i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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