I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
COCAINE IS GR8
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
