i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
