I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
