If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
