You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
