Swine flu. Run for my life!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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