I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
