So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
