dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize