I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
