I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
