New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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