WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
