Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
