epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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