Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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