he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Randomize
