he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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