i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
