my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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