So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize