The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
