Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
