I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
