Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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