I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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