Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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