Me. At least after what I've been through.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
