it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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