im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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