weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
