They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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