p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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