eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
