Already got asked if we're dating
i would punch a child for taco bell
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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