i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
