You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize