My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize