so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
