i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Drunk walkin through police station. America
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
