Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
