I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
