im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize