we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
