He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
