Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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