I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
