Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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