Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize