just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
