is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
