Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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