Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
