you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
