I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
