Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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