the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
