And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
