nut hugger
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
