doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
