I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
