yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
