I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize