I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
