also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
