he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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